Grudge

No.... not the horror flick that didn't make any sense even after watching both the English and the original Japanese versions.

The grudge I am talking about is the grudge I hold. I am petty, yes, petty. When I am rubbed the wrong way, I remember and I don't let go lightly. Petty that's right. Kinda ironic for a person whose memory seems to be on its last leg. Memory is selective after all.

Oooo...Gremlins is on. Now that was a iconic movie. Gizmo is so cute.

Anyways, sidetracked, what was I saying... oh yes, I hold grudges. But doctors makes it dam hard to hold it for long. I was really really pissed at my dad over the past couple days cuz all this time that we stayed at Atlantic City, he only drank one bottle of the protein drinks he was suppose to ingest to help him maintain his weight and to flush the chemo crap out of his system.

If he doesn't care about his body why the hell am I so worried about his liver and kidneys when there's nothing that I can do other than to hold him down and force quarts of liquid down his throat and the likelihood of that scenario playing out is pretty slim.

I remained my coat of silence to protest against his behaviour over the last 2 days. Maybe I am not ready to accept that he should live however he want right now cuz who knows when his time is up. Petty and hypocrite that I surely am. Carpe Diem! Isn't that suppose to be the model of living? Live as if you were dying? So whats the harm of him enjoying several days of break away from the constant reminders that he's going through chemo treatment to extend his life? I am just not ready.

Today's doc visit was to meet with pop's primary physician here in Philly area. The doc made a comment under his breath intended for my ears only that what is the most pressing concern obviously is the chemo treatment and the gastric cancer and that the prognosis doesn't look good.

So how do you hold a grudge when you are reminded that your dad's health condition and that he might be on borrowed time?

Petty, hypocritical, and utterly stubborn. Adjectives of the week.