Meaningful Conversations

I made a resolution, or I should say a promise to myself, after coming back from a long overdue visit to Taiwan 2 years ago. It was an eye opener to go back and visit my roots. A lot of things have changed. Tall buildings erected, old railroad tracks now paved and converted into 3 lane highways. Some things are oblivious to time's hand. The packed temples and the religious followers. The night market is still bustling with people and motorists and stray dogs.

The biggest impact was made when I visited my grandma. There she was in her 80s, living in 3 story house, alone.

I've always been in touch with my sensitive side and the trip back home upped it a notch. It gave my tear ducts quite a workout. My grandma was the one who looked after me in my early years. I spent a good deal of time at the grounds. A lot of precious memories were made there. From the pig slaughter for annual festivals (okay this one not that pleasant), to singing with all the dogs in the courtyard at dawn, chased by ferocious ducks during feeding time, marveling after the locust bugs when they shed their skin, plucking chicken in the backyard, and firing up clay mounds in the fields to cook yams. All these images and memory attack me as I stepped out of my aunt's car and took my first step into the yard. Out comes my grandma, she's been expecting us. Eighteen years is a long time. Sure, she made couple visits to the states during those years but this is the first time we've been home.

She shrunk. Her hair is a bit whiter, and her face more wrinkly. As my brother and I spent a precious week with her, I get to see first hand how lonely she is even with one of her five sons living right next door.

Due to old age, the joints are starting to go so she has trouble lifting her arms above her shoulder. She's gone weeks without washing her hair because her arms are not able to reach her hair. I found her awake at wee hours in the nights, sitting in the living room using the electric massager on her shoulders in hopes of alleviating some of the pain so she can get back to sleep.

She wakes up by 5 AM in time to watch her grandkids get on the school bus, then she sits in the living room waiting for the time to pass. That's her normal daily routine she said.

I broke down several times during my visit with her. I try not to cry in front her. She doesn't need a sobbing grandchild to remind her of state.

I feel anger toward my uncles who are suppose to take her. She had 5 sons. None of them checks up on her on regular basis or took her into their homes. Instead they left their mother, alone, in a 3 story house which has stairs she can barely climb.

I am sadden by the thoughts of all the elders who are alone.

That's when I made myself promise that I would be a better grandchild, I would make a call to my grandma at least once a week to talk to her.

I've kept my promise, pushing it at times.. but I call every week to chat. There's a language barrier, but I think I have improved a lot in my grandma's native tongue. At least listening wise. Most of the time I open with the questions: Have you eaten? How are your legs and arms? If the weather is too cold or not? Then I try to bring up some of the topics that she might have seen in the news or even confide to her my frivolous troubles about job dissatisfaction, lack of bonus, and weight gain. I am thankful her mind is still sharp as ever as she tells me I can't eat and just sit there that way I'll get fat. Or that I can't quit my job yet cuz I am so young. I laugh when she says if the company is not paying me overtime then don't work that much.

Those 30 - 60 minutes are the most meaningful conversations I have every week.