Three Months

Words came to me when I was out walking this morning.

Came back and finished in 2 hours. Here goes:

Three Months

Three months granted indirectly to find myself,
Two months left, as things calmed down.
One month left, as I mingled through blood.
All three gone and I’m still on the same ground.

Three more months, I gave myself.
Three more months to figure things out.
Three more months to make a change.
Three more months to leave this state.

One month gone, as I sat on the bench.
One month gone, as I am thrown back into things.
One more month, the deadline nears.
One more month, until I face my fears.

I am trapped in a time capsule of five or so years
Screaming loud but no one can hear.
I watch as the world goes round and round
Colors red, blue, green and white, cycles about.

Churning, night and day, churning of the mind.
Tick -- , Tock --, time slips by.
Immobilized by the very nature of what makes me
Scared by what I can’t foresee.

In my journal there’s a dialogue, pitting me against me,
A testament of my madness if I let things be.
A complete breakdown is required now
Even if that means shattering to the ground.

I will mend from the many pieces of my ragged, weary self
Start afresh, reconstructed to face new crowds.
Not quite healed I will travel forth,
Destination unknown, and there’s no reverse.

Days left until I do the deed
Days left until I leave it all behind
Days left until I regain what was me
Days left until I am set free.