Blood Work

It's that time of the year. The annual physical exam. Hopefully one of the rare times where you actually pay strangers to checkout your most intimate parts.

But, alas, I am getting ahead of myself. Before the detail examination, comes the blood taking.

I woke up late this morning. My cellphone alarm failed me. The appointment was at 8am. I didn't get to the doc's office until 8:25am. I wasn't that worried because most of the time they make you wait at least 45 minutes, sitting in a room with a bunch of patients like yourself, avoiding direct eye contact and desperately trying to find a worthy magazine to pass the time.

I brought Eragon with me but didn't get to it as I was called in within 5 minutes after arrival. It's good to have early appointments, that or it's a really slow day. Cotton ball with rubbing alcohol wipes across my skin as I watch the Quest lady prepped me for the needle. I notice that in this last 2 years, I make sure that I watch as the needle goes into my vein. Perhaps it's getting older, but I want to avoid turning into one of those people that get squeamish when it comes to needles and blood. So I watched as the red liquid shoots into two little vials tagged with my name, capped and ready for the labs. Next, comes the urine sample. I hate peeing into a cup. Why? Why the hell not! Most of the time I end up peeing on my hand. Sigh. Oh they also should remind patients not to pee before they come into appointments. Good thing I still had some left in the bladder. Holding the cup, I noticed something. The little cup had a notch! Yah, it's got a built in notch so that it makes it easier to pure into the tube. My entrepreneur mind kicks in and asks, "I wonder how much money they are making off this little improvement?"

I felt awkward handing my urine to some stranger. I mean what do you say? There you go! I did it! Here take it! I think I ended up saying, "uhmmm here .. " She took it. But I noticed she still had gloves on.

Then I was handed an envelope.

"One more thing", she said. "We'll need a stool sample. All the instructions are in the packet with a self addressed envelope to mail the samples in."

I was intrigued, "Oh, this is much different, usually they ask for samples in the big jars." No idea why I wanted to discuss my previous stool sample experiences with her but it came out.

"Oh yes, those test more items, the ones you are doing tests for things like blood in stool etc." She then laughs, "The other ones are fun aren't they? Remember what your mama told chu when you were young? Uh huhhhh.. don't play with those!"

I cracked up laughing. Who knew talking about stool samples can be so much fun.