There was a little upturn at the corners of my mouth as I suppressed a smile when they finally ended the Lana character on Smallville. But.. a twist they threw in those writers.. they didn't kill off Lana! So then I was all tense when Clark went to see Chloe to tell about the 2nd chance he has received to change destiny. When Chloe promised that she won't leave Lana's side all night, I cried out "Nooooooooo, Chloe's going to die this time!".
But at the end it was Mr. Kent that got written out of the show. Whyy whyyy didn't they just leave Lana be.. whyy...
Interested in others' reactions, I logged onto the Smallville fan site KryptonSite and found that many others like me were happy/ecstatic/overjoyed/sang words of praise when Lana bit the dust. Unfortunately for us, it looks like we have to endure more episodes with the dragging Clana relationship.
We'll miss you Jonathan Kent!
(Hmmm.. maybe Clark will find a crystal again..)
God I love fan sites.. it's hilarious to read and for those of you who have never visited your fav show's site, try it one day. You'll find surprising detailed analysis, good writing, and the posts can be funny as heck.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Spock or Dumb and Dumber?
Ahh, it's nice to shower. Nice to be clean. While I was squeezing some whiteheads out of a stressed out/lack of sleep face, I noticed that I look vaguely familiar in the mirror. Then I realized I am a junior Spock! What the...
My bangs have not grown out fully yet.. it's almost .. almost to the eyebrow.. maybe give it another month. So with a fully blown dry hair, it was either Spock or Jim Carey in Dumb and Dumber. Neither image is flattering to the ego.
My bangs have not grown out fully yet.. it's almost .. almost to the eyebrow.. maybe give it another month. So with a fully blown dry hair, it was either Spock or Jim Carey in Dumb and Dumber. Neither image is flattering to the ego.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Back To The Dungeon
Before I get on with my whining, I just had the strangest experience. So here goes, on my excursion out of my apt to do my rounds at the normal wee hours (visit the garbage dumpster, pickup mail from downstairs), I was fascinated by the trees lining or probably more like leaning at the back of the apt complex. These huge trees are all leaning over at least 35 degrees. Those things are going to go next time we have a big ice/snow/wind storm. Freaking apt complex landlord is too cheap to hire people to come and cut those things down before someone else's car gets crushed or worst yet injuries from falling trees.
So there I was looking up at the trees and then haphazardly swung my bag of garbage into the dumpster. Swooosh....... Thunk! It lands on the lid and then falls into the abyss. Before I can mentally congratulate myself for making the incredible shot, I noticed this brown object on top of the lid.
It's moving!!!
My brain finally kicked in and identified the "thing" as a raccoon with its back towards me. It turned its head around a second later and looked at me. We looked at one another and I started to apologize softly when I noticed it is breathing kinda fast.
"hey buddy.. i am sorry .. did i scary you? did I? ooh don't be scared, i am not gonna hurt chya"
I think I almost gave that poor thing a heartattack when I swung my garbage in his direction.
After taking about a minute break to calm its heart down, he kinda looked at me with the expression saying: "Jesus, there I am eating dinner and you.. *sigh*".
With that and one more look of dismay, it walked back to the hole in the fence and ended our encounter.
----
So on with my bitching.
Close to dinner time today I received 2 e-mails from work.
The first one is from the manager telling me that hey I am getting pulled back to the product team to help on the next release of the product doing configuration. At least they didn't have the nerve to assign me to some coding project.
The second e-mail was from my manager's boss, a partner of the company saying hey I support the decision to put you back in the dungeon and by the way appreciate everyone for their efforts!
If I weren't so busy trying to get this demo done for them I think the sailor in me would've came out in full force.
Now it's like a slow boil... bubbling.. bubbling.. tomorrow is when I'll find out the details of this sudden assignment.
This is what I despise as being a "consultant". Wait a minute, didn't they change my title to "IT Specialist"? Whatever, I am still getting pimped out. Regardless of your wants and preferences, you are sent off to wherever they dictate.
So to apply what I've been reading on roadtrip nation, I need to change my attitude and view this just another sign/confirmation that my current job is not the path that will make me happy and that it's time to get the ass moving toward the pursuit of happiness.
Monster.com here I come!!
I complained to friends and family already, and also co-workers. One friend in particular said that she refuses to say words of encouragement to me cuz she's been harping that for years. Instead the tactic will be reverse psychology. She said, "You are going to die alone and in front of a computer." Booohooo..... I don't want to die infront of a computer :(
My mom was a bit different. She said that tell them you can do the work but you won't be happy about it. When I told her about the publishing job posting on Monster the Virgo/extremely practical realist side of her came out and pointed out "do you know how much money you can make working only 40 hours on some of these minimum wage jobs? do you know how little money you'll actually be able to take home after all the taxes and deductions?"
But I held on strong, saying "well I gotta start somewhere." Wonder if Michael Dell would commend me if he heard those words.
6 hours till meeting time. Lovely.
So there I was looking up at the trees and then haphazardly swung my bag of garbage into the dumpster. Swooosh....... Thunk! It lands on the lid and then falls into the abyss. Before I can mentally congratulate myself for making the incredible shot, I noticed this brown object on top of the lid.
It's moving!!!
My brain finally kicked in and identified the "thing" as a raccoon with its back towards me. It turned its head around a second later and looked at me. We looked at one another and I started to apologize softly when I noticed it is breathing kinda fast.
"hey buddy.. i am sorry .. did i scary you? did I? ooh don't be scared, i am not gonna hurt chya"
I think I almost gave that poor thing a heartattack when I swung my garbage in his direction.
After taking about a minute break to calm its heart down, he kinda looked at me with the expression saying: "Jesus, there I am eating dinner and you.. *sigh*".
With that and one more look of dismay, it walked back to the hole in the fence and ended our encounter.
----
So on with my bitching.
Close to dinner time today I received 2 e-mails from work.
The first one is from the manager telling me that hey I am getting pulled back to the product team to help on the next release of the product doing configuration. At least they didn't have the nerve to assign me to some coding project.
The second e-mail was from my manager's boss, a partner of the company saying hey I support the decision to put you back in the dungeon and by the way appreciate everyone for their efforts!
If I weren't so busy trying to get this demo done for them I think the sailor in me would've came out in full force.
Now it's like a slow boil... bubbling.. bubbling.. tomorrow is when I'll find out the details of this sudden assignment.
This is what I despise as being a "consultant". Wait a minute, didn't they change my title to "IT Specialist"? Whatever, I am still getting pimped out. Regardless of your wants and preferences, you are sent off to wherever they dictate.
So to apply what I've been reading on roadtrip nation, I need to change my attitude and view this just another sign/confirmation that my current job is not the path that will make me happy and that it's time to get the ass moving toward the pursuit of happiness.
Monster.com here I come!!
I complained to friends and family already, and also co-workers. One friend in particular said that she refuses to say words of encouragement to me cuz she's been harping that for years. Instead the tactic will be reverse psychology. She said, "You are going to die alone and in front of a computer." Booohooo..... I don't want to die infront of a computer :(
My mom was a bit different. She said that tell them you can do the work but you won't be happy about it. When I told her about the publishing job posting on Monster the Virgo/extremely practical realist side of her came out and pointed out "do you know how much money you can make working only 40 hours on some of these minimum wage jobs? do you know how little money you'll actually be able to take home after all the taxes and deductions?"
But I held on strong, saying "well I gotta start somewhere." Wonder if Michael Dell would commend me if he heard those words.
6 hours till meeting time. Lovely.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Of Music and Career Advice
Reading does enhance one's view and knowledge. It's a shame most people don't have the time to read these days. Especially the kids born in this technology laden world.
Anyways, I digress. Going through the magazines before I drop it off downstairs in hopes others might want to read them, I found 2 really cool articles/websites. Before I get to those, I just want to do a plug for Fast Company and Business 2.0, two of the most time worthy magazines available on the newstands. The articles are well written and the info presented is unique and more thought provoking than your usual gambit of waiting area magazines.
I like listening to a pretty broad range of music. So for people like me, Pandora is pretty cool. You are able to create free radio stations by entering 1 of the songs you like. The company's algorithms then uses that one seed song to create a radio station of songs it thinks you'll like based on your first input. Best of all did I mention it's for free? It's a great way to discover other artists out there.
The other site/company is called roadtrip nation. There's a lot of informally conducted interviews of leaders on career advice and what it was that took them to get into the field they are in now. For those of us out there who still feel directionless, prehaps we can find some inspiration from those who have found their passion and made a career out of it.
Anyways, I digress. Going through the magazines before I drop it off downstairs in hopes others might want to read them, I found 2 really cool articles/websites. Before I get to those, I just want to do a plug for Fast Company and Business 2.0, two of the most time worthy magazines available on the newstands. The articles are well written and the info presented is unique and more thought provoking than your usual gambit of waiting area magazines.
I like listening to a pretty broad range of music. So for people like me, Pandora is pretty cool. You are able to create free radio stations by entering 1 of the songs you like. The company's algorithms then uses that one seed song to create a radio station of songs it thinks you'll like based on your first input. Best of all did I mention it's for free? It's a great way to discover other artists out there.
The other site/company is called roadtrip nation. There's a lot of informally conducted interviews of leaders on career advice and what it was that took them to get into the field they are in now. For those of us out there who still feel directionless, prehaps we can find some inspiration from those who have found their passion and made a career out of it.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Nokian WR-SUV 215/70/R16
I didn't win the lotto, but lately it sure seems like it buying things left and right. Like today, it was for my trusted Element, my only means of transportation (beside my legs). The treads on the stock tires are very close to the mark for replacement. My mechanic told me so last time as well. Yes I did the penny test to double check, and yep, time to get rid of the Goodyear Wranglers.
After scouraging the web and Element Owners Club forums, my top 2 choices of tires went to:
a. Nokian WR-SUV 215/70/16 ~$135/tire
b. Yokohama Geolandar H/T-S G051 215/70/16 ~$78/tire
Yah there's a steep price difference. Nokians almost doubled Yokohamas!! Tires these days are getting shee shee.. silica compound and directional arrowhead treading..siping
Winter has been light on snow thus far and there were several icy storms. But after the Thanksgiving trip back to PA, where I've seen at least 6 vehicle accidents, it was easy to justify shelling out close to $700 for a new set of all weather tires.
There's too much riding on those tires to regret getting the best for what I can afford to minimize risk in unplanned hazardous driving situtations. Esp when carrying precious cargo such as my family and friends, I don't ever want to mutter the words "I wish I had.. I should've gotten.. ".
So why Nokians? Well I've heard read nothing but rave reviews on them for their superior handling in rain, ice and snow.
No, I don't work for Nokian. I just like to do a lot of research especially before big purchases. So the call was made for 4 Nokians around 4:46 PM.
For those of you living in areas with a lot of bad weather, prehaps consider Nokians. Here are some articles I've found:
Real World Snow Tire Tests - 2002
Real World Snow Tire Tests - 2004
Nokian Tires
Canadian Driver - Nokian WR - Review
Element Owners Club - go into the forums and search for "Nokian"
Whohooo!! I'll get my new tires next week!
Hopefully riding with the Nokians, the white knuckle syndrome will go away whenever driving through foul weather.
After scouraging the web and Element Owners Club forums, my top 2 choices of tires went to:
a. Nokian WR-SUV 215/70/16 ~$135/tire
b. Yokohama Geolandar H/T-S G051 215/70/16 ~$78/tire
Yah there's a steep price difference. Nokians almost doubled Yokohamas!! Tires these days are getting shee shee.. silica compound and directional arrowhead treading..siping
Winter has been light on snow thus far and there were several icy storms. But after the Thanksgiving trip back to PA, where I've seen at least 6 vehicle accidents, it was easy to justify shelling out close to $700 for a new set of all weather tires.
There's too much riding on those tires to regret getting the best for what I can afford to minimize risk in unplanned hazardous driving situtations. Esp when carrying precious cargo such as my family and friends, I don't ever want to mutter the words "I wish I had.. I should've gotten.. ".
So why Nokians? Well I've heard read nothing but rave reviews on them for their superior handling in rain, ice and snow.
No, I don't work for Nokian. I just like to do a lot of research especially before big purchases. So the call was made for 4 Nokians around 4:46 PM.
For those of you living in areas with a lot of bad weather, prehaps consider Nokians. Here are some articles I've found:
Real World Snow Tire Tests - 2002
Real World Snow Tire Tests - 2004
Nokian Tires
Canadian Driver - Nokian WR - Review
Element Owners Club - go into the forums and search for "Nokian"
Whohooo!! I'll get my new tires next week!
Hopefully riding with the Nokians, the white knuckle syndrome will go away whenever driving through foul weather.
Friday, January 20, 2006
The Night Calls on Me
Maybe I am a vampire. I seem to be more awake and alive at night then when the shining and birds are chirping.
Got my new set of headphones today from Amazon and I love them! It's the Philips SBC HS500. After the discount, got them for around 8 bucks or so, what bargain. The bass is rich and strong, sounds great and they are comfy! iPod has been running for 3 hours now. Ears still feel fine.
Go Amazon.com reviews! This is a classic example that usually going with the crowd is the right direction. Masses rule, isn't that a saying?
Nah, I don't think I am a vampire cuz I am awfully sleepy right now. Maybe it's cuz I don't drink blood? Hmm maybe it's just my iron is low again. Is that the reason vampires have to drink blood? Thought I read it somewhere before, don't recall now.
I am pack rat. Cannot throw away things in my possession easily. Trying to sort out stacks of magazines but I have to go through each page first to make sure I read it all before turning it for recycling. Wonder how many others are like me?
Finally... 1 down, 40 more to go.
Got my new set of headphones today from Amazon and I love them! It's the Philips SBC HS500. After the discount, got them for around 8 bucks or so, what bargain. The bass is rich and strong, sounds great and they are comfy! iPod has been running for 3 hours now. Ears still feel fine.
Go Amazon.com reviews! This is a classic example that usually going with the crowd is the right direction. Masses rule, isn't that a saying?
Nah, I don't think I am a vampire cuz I am awfully sleepy right now. Maybe it's cuz I don't drink blood? Hmm maybe it's just my iron is low again. Is that the reason vampires have to drink blood? Thought I read it somewhere before, don't recall now.
I am pack rat. Cannot throw away things in my possession easily. Trying to sort out stacks of magazines but I have to go through each page first to make sure I read it all before turning it for recycling. Wonder how many others are like me?
Finally... 1 down, 40 more to go.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
The Urges at Night
Wonder how many people out there have urges to fit everything they've wanted to accomplish during the day in the past week into 4 hours after midnight? I bet a lot.
Well my sleeping schedule is has gone to hell. Been working late hours again after coming back from vacation and it's screwing with my biological clock. I worked for 25 hours straight and then went to bed around 1 pm on 1/18/06. Ring.... rrrrrrrring!! The shrill woke me up. Grabbing the phone, I tried to make my voice sounded as professional as possible considering it was only around 4ish in the afternoon. I should be working. Instead I was in La La Land.
"Hello?" - yah great way to answer the phone
"Hey there? This is ******". Great, my big boss, a partner of the company is calling me to discuss PBC results. I was struggling to prop myself up from the bed while he rambled on about my 2005 PBC results. He said he knew I was pulling some late nights and so made it really short that or he had a billion others to call after me. In any case, I got a 2+. Whatever that means, maybe a bonus in coming who knows. I just wanted to get back to bed.
Finally, nature calls so I woke up around 9 pm on 1/18/06. Showered and ate something of substance not that the PJC sandwich was good 10 hours ago. But I gotta eat. I am human.
Between 9 pm to what.. 5 am now? I've tried to cram 1 year of overdue clean up into 1.. 2... now how many hours.. i have to use my fingers, god my brain has gone to mush.. dam those calculators and computers.. I can do this.. where's my clock.. 7 hours! Yes! 7.. finally got it.. good grief.
So for 7 hours, what the hell did I do!! jeeeze.. I thought I cleaned. But .. hmm sure doesn't look like it. Well I organized a lot of papers.. finally unpacked the 2 suitcases.. went through the bathroom reading pile. Yes don't deny it.. alot of you probably have your own stash somewhere. Time to put some more magazines in there.
Okay I got 3 hours to sleep before turning into a robot for the big blue.
Well my sleeping schedule is has gone to hell. Been working late hours again after coming back from vacation and it's screwing with my biological clock. I worked for 25 hours straight and then went to bed around 1 pm on 1/18/06. Ring.... rrrrrrrring!! The shrill woke me up. Grabbing the phone, I tried to make my voice sounded as professional as possible considering it was only around 4ish in the afternoon. I should be working. Instead I was in La La Land.
"Hello?" - yah great way to answer the phone
"Hey there? This is ******". Great, my big boss, a partner of the company is calling me to discuss PBC results. I was struggling to prop myself up from the bed while he rambled on about my 2005 PBC results. He said he knew I was pulling some late nights and so made it really short that or he had a billion others to call after me. In any case, I got a 2+. Whatever that means, maybe a bonus in coming who knows. I just wanted to get back to bed.
Finally, nature calls so I woke up around 9 pm on 1/18/06. Showered and ate something of substance not that the PJC sandwich was good 10 hours ago. But I gotta eat. I am human.
Between 9 pm to what.. 5 am now? I've tried to cram 1 year of overdue clean up into 1.. 2... now how many hours.. i have to use my fingers, god my brain has gone to mush.. dam those calculators and computers.. I can do this.. where's my clock.. 7 hours! Yes! 7.. finally got it.. good grief.
So for 7 hours, what the hell did I do!! jeeeze.. I thought I cleaned. But .. hmm sure doesn't look like it. Well I organized a lot of papers.. finally unpacked the 2 suitcases.. went through the bathroom reading pile. Yes don't deny it.. alot of you probably have your own stash somewhere. Time to put some more magazines in there.
Okay I got 3 hours to sleep before turning into a robot for the big blue.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Unattainable Love - Brokeback Mountain
I wanted to write a review on Brokeback Mountain, but there's tons of reviews out there by you know.. actual movie reviewers so I will save myself from embarrassment by not going into the cinematography or whatever stuff that I probably don't have merits of mentioning.
I will however post about how the film engaged me... isn't that what watching a film is all about? Connection with the viewer?
Ever the procrastinator, on the day of the movie, I got to the theatre during the previews. I was shocked to see the entire room packed like sardines. Finding a seat in the dark is not much fun. I never changed the battery for the mini mag on the keychain. Now that would've come in handy.
The 4 most memorable moments in the film for me were:
1. When Ennis and Jack separated for the first time after coming down from Brokeback Mountain. Ennis kneeling in an alley wretching and emotionally distraught after seeing Jack drive away.
I think that's a dreadful thing to go through, watching someone you love so deeply simply walk out of your life and for whatever reason there's nothing you are doing or could do about it. It's that ache that hits your right beneath the sternum. That gnawing feeling that just spreads until you can absolutely overwhelmed and have to do something, scream, cry, punch a wall.. something.
2. The moment Alma (Ennis's wife) opened the door ready to greet her husband's mystery friend Jack. Alma's reaction of shock, betrayal, and hurt when she witnessed her own husband, the man who she raised a family with, passionately kissing the so called fishing buddy at the bottom of the stairs.
Thank goodness I have never felt gone through this particular situation, and hopefully never will. I'd be mad as hell. But I think, it's the betrayal part that would haunt me, the infidelity and the lying.
3. The longest dialogue between Jack and Ennis toward the end of the film where us, the viewers finally see the strain and pain these 2 men have been enduring through out the past 20 years of their lives. Out came the famous lines:
Ennis: If you can't fix it, you gotta stand it.
...
Jack: God, I wish I knew how to quit you!
Ennis: Well, why don't you? Why don't you just let me be? It's because of you that I am like this! I ain't got nothing... I ain't got nowhere..
Love, or any kind of emotions that strong can be debilitating can't it? Sometimes we are so driven by our feelings we loose a part of ourselves, we compromise and give up part the individual goals in order to get somewhere .. together. But Ennis and Jack, they couldn't. Anyone can identify how Ennis feels if we just relate it to a serious crush. You are stuck on this one person, this one being that occupies your thoughts, enters your dreams, haunts your free moments during the day, and until that one decisive moment where you either get together or fall apart, you are stuck in that limbo place. Neither here nor there.
4. On the phone when Lureen (Jack's wife) finds out that the man on the phone is the long time fishing buddy her husband has been seeing all through out the years. That Ennis is the man that Jack is really in love with.
Beautiful, sensitive acting. That slight pause, the self-denying recognition of what she always suspect was confirmed by that short conversation. Yet, after hanging up the phone, tears wiped, Lureen went back to her routine, seemly unaffected by the long kept secret.
----
I love the guitar chords played throughout the film. The plucking seems to be done on heartstrings.
----
Visually, it's breathtaking. Ang Lee and his team have managed to take us back to a time where we do see blue open skies, majestic mountains and green pastures. I loved the sheep.
----
After the movie is over and we are all filing out of the showroom, through my teary eyes I can safely say that at least 80% of the audience in the room were couples over 50s. I was shocked again. This was not the demographic that I expected for this film. But after a while it made sense.
Although there's not a lot of dialogue in this film, it's more of what has not been said that left the deepest impression.
Reasons why I was engaged and appreciated the film:
1 - I think all of us at one point in our lives if we are lucky we meet someone who we can open up to and feel safe just being ourselves.
2 - The film successfully conveyed "unattainable love". A love that can't be carried out fully. The pain of not being able to be with that one person who has your heart and soul.
I will however post about how the film engaged me... isn't that what watching a film is all about? Connection with the viewer?
Ever the procrastinator, on the day of the movie, I got to the theatre during the previews. I was shocked to see the entire room packed like sardines. Finding a seat in the dark is not much fun. I never changed the battery for the mini mag on the keychain. Now that would've come in handy.
The 4 most memorable moments in the film for me were:
1. When Ennis and Jack separated for the first time after coming down from Brokeback Mountain. Ennis kneeling in an alley wretching and emotionally distraught after seeing Jack drive away.
I think that's a dreadful thing to go through, watching someone you love so deeply simply walk out of your life and for whatever reason there's nothing you are doing or could do about it. It's that ache that hits your right beneath the sternum. That gnawing feeling that just spreads until you can absolutely overwhelmed and have to do something, scream, cry, punch a wall.. something.
2. The moment Alma (Ennis's wife) opened the door ready to greet her husband's mystery friend Jack. Alma's reaction of shock, betrayal, and hurt when she witnessed her own husband, the man who she raised a family with, passionately kissing the so called fishing buddy at the bottom of the stairs.
Thank goodness I have never felt gone through this particular situation, and hopefully never will. I'd be mad as hell. But I think, it's the betrayal part that would haunt me, the infidelity and the lying.
3. The longest dialogue between Jack and Ennis toward the end of the film where us, the viewers finally see the strain and pain these 2 men have been enduring through out the past 20 years of their lives. Out came the famous lines:
Ennis: If you can't fix it, you gotta stand it.
...
Jack: God, I wish I knew how to quit you!
Ennis: Well, why don't you? Why don't you just let me be? It's because of you that I am like this! I ain't got nothing... I ain't got nowhere..
Love, or any kind of emotions that strong can be debilitating can't it? Sometimes we are so driven by our feelings we loose a part of ourselves, we compromise and give up part the individual goals in order to get somewhere .. together. But Ennis and Jack, they couldn't. Anyone can identify how Ennis feels if we just relate it to a serious crush. You are stuck on this one person, this one being that occupies your thoughts, enters your dreams, haunts your free moments during the day, and until that one decisive moment where you either get together or fall apart, you are stuck in that limbo place. Neither here nor there.
4. On the phone when Lureen (Jack's wife) finds out that the man on the phone is the long time fishing buddy her husband has been seeing all through out the years. That Ennis is the man that Jack is really in love with.
Beautiful, sensitive acting. That slight pause, the self-denying recognition of what she always suspect was confirmed by that short conversation. Yet, after hanging up the phone, tears wiped, Lureen went back to her routine, seemly unaffected by the long kept secret.
----
I love the guitar chords played throughout the film. The plucking seems to be done on heartstrings.
----
Visually, it's breathtaking. Ang Lee and his team have managed to take us back to a time where we do see blue open skies, majestic mountains and green pastures. I loved the sheep.
----
After the movie is over and we are all filing out of the showroom, through my teary eyes I can safely say that at least 80% of the audience in the room were couples over 50s. I was shocked again. This was not the demographic that I expected for this film. But after a while it made sense.
Although there's not a lot of dialogue in this film, it's more of what has not been said that left the deepest impression.
Reasons why I was engaged and appreciated the film:
1 - I think all of us at one point in our lives if we are lucky we meet someone who we can open up to and feel safe just being ourselves.
2 - The film successfully conveyed "unattainable love". A love that can't be carried out fully. The pain of not being able to be with that one person who has your heart and soul.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Bad Tree! Bad!
Spent a great afternoon with friends. It's just good to go out and socialize. Today a group of us went to a place in NJ called Duke Farms and got on the Display Gardens Tour. Pretty neat! It had a bunch of greenhouses set up and within each, a different type of garden is shown. There were the French, English, Chinese, Japanese, etc.. (well I don't remember the rest).
One gripe about the tour is that we went through too fast and weren't given enough time to really look at the garden. Okay fine, we weren't given enough time to take more pictures. There were a lot of weird looking flowers that would make great macro shots. Oh well.. next time have to find an outdoor garden in the spring.
When I got back to my apt, I saw that the wind tonight (20 - 40 mph winds) did its damage. One of the apt's trees snapped and landed across 2 cars. Thank goodness it's not my car.
Ouch! What a way to start off 2006.
This is the 3rd time a tree landed on cars at my apt complex since I moved here!!
This is the unfortunate scene from my window.
Not going to sleep easy tonight.
Oh ill wind! Blow the other way!
One gripe about the tour is that we went through too fast and weren't given enough time to really look at the garden. Okay fine, we weren't given enough time to take more pictures. There were a lot of weird looking flowers that would make great macro shots. Oh well.. next time have to find an outdoor garden in the spring.
When I got back to my apt, I saw that the wind tonight (20 - 40 mph winds) did its damage. One of the apt's trees snapped and landed across 2 cars. Thank goodness it's not my car.
Ouch! What a way to start off 2006.
This is the 3rd time a tree landed on cars at my apt complex since I moved here!!
This is the unfortunate scene from my window.
Not going to sleep easy tonight.
Oh ill wind! Blow the other way!
Friday, January 13, 2006
Day and Night
I just disconnected from AT&T vpn connection. Work finished. Sad it's 5:30 AM. Surprisingly I am not that tired, that's probably because I slept 12 hours the night before.
Mom finally contacted us a day later. Turned out her charger wouldn't charge the batteries so she was out of juice. Worried all day and night. But all that counts is that she was fine. So yesterday my bro ordered a new charger and it's on her way.
Guess my body won't get a chance to produce melatonin tonight. Another night lost facing the computer monitors. Recent alarming studies have revealed that proper sleep in the dark suppresses body's ability to produce melatonin which in turn decreases our ability to fight off cancer cells and thus increases our risk for breast cancer. Lovely.
From http://www.medical-library.org/journals2a/melatonin.htm:
Melatonin is a hormone produced by the pineal gland in the brain, melatonin also occurs naturally in some foods.
Young adults typically secrete about 5 micrograms to 25 micrograms of melatonin per day. In most people, secretion declines dramatically with age, a fact some researchers suggest accounts for the higher prevalence of meletonin.
Need to sleep more.
Mom finally contacted us a day later. Turned out her charger wouldn't charge the batteries so she was out of juice. Worried all day and night. But all that counts is that she was fine. So yesterday my bro ordered a new charger and it's on her way.
Guess my body won't get a chance to produce melatonin tonight. Another night lost facing the computer monitors. Recent alarming studies have revealed that proper sleep in the dark suppresses body's ability to produce melatonin which in turn decreases our ability to fight off cancer cells and thus increases our risk for breast cancer. Lovely.
From http://www.medical-library.org/journals2a/melatonin.htm:
Melatonin is a hormone produced by the pineal gland in the brain, melatonin also occurs naturally in some foods.
Timekeeping Hormone
Secreted only in the dark, melatonin provides a time-of-day cue to diurnal and nocturnal species. For some animals and birds, it also provides a time-of-year signal for migration, hibernation, and estrus cycles. Melatonin's secretion is one of hundreds of circadian, or approximately 24-hour, rhythms in bodily functions controlled by the suprachiasmatic nuclei (SCN) of the hypothalamus, which comprise the body's master clock. Melatonin receptors have been found in the SCN, which is itself entrained by daylight signals received.
Young adults typically secrete about 5 micrograms to 25 micrograms of melatonin per day. In most people, secretion declines dramatically with age, a fact some researchers suggest accounts for the higher prevalence of meletonin.
Need to sleep more.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Cellphones
Got a call this morning from my mom. Or that's what I thought at first. Unexpected, it was from some lady at a convienence store where my mom supposely have left her phone in the bathroom? of all places.
So all throughout the day been waiting for her to call me back. It's her day off so I wonder if she even realized she has lost her phone.
It's amazing how much we depend upon cellphones these days. The little gadget that connects us to the rest of the world. It's like a GPS tracker, only without the nify GPS part. Well supposely, the police can track the GPS signal from your phone, but I have not had to resort to that yet.
It's close to 3 AM. Don't really feel like sleeping. At the back of my mind I worry. I worry if my mom is safe if she's sleeping soundly at the apt. I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier, but I could've contacted the apt complex people and see if they can run and leave her a message at her door or something by a note. This unknowing where your parents are is very unsettling. A role reversal. Wonder if this is how they feel when we go on trips.
Hope my phone will ring soon with her voice on the other line.
So all throughout the day been waiting for her to call me back. It's her day off so I wonder if she even realized she has lost her phone.
It's amazing how much we depend upon cellphones these days. The little gadget that connects us to the rest of the world. It's like a GPS tracker, only without the nify GPS part. Well supposely, the police can track the GPS signal from your phone, but I have not had to resort to that yet.
It's close to 3 AM. Don't really feel like sleeping. At the back of my mind I worry. I worry if my mom is safe if she's sleeping soundly at the apt. I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier, but I could've contacted the apt complex people and see if they can run and leave her a message at her door or something by a note. This unknowing where your parents are is very unsettling. A role reversal. Wonder if this is how they feel when we go on trips.
Hope my phone will ring soon with her voice on the other line.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
2005 In Review
As I think about what to sum up for 2005, I am resorted to the Time magazine, hoping to find a cheat sheet for all the major events this year, that is until I was distracted by the well placed ads from American Express, starting with stunning picture with Ken Watanebe, a horse and a dog.
So, let me start with the movies then....
Favorite movies of the year (I love movies.)
King Kong
- I am a sucker for animals and why did the have to kill him :( he just wanted to be closer to the one creature he shared the sunset with, god, where is my tissue. We want alternate ending!
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
- The darker and fast paced Harry Potter installment kept me fully entertained and on the edge of my seat even though I've read the book before. Favorite one so far, hope they keep it up!
Saving Face
- Finally, a fun lighthearted romance involving same sex couples. The interaction between mother and daughter is not as profound as the father and son in The Wedding Banquet, but fun to watch regardless. The portrayal of awarkwardness of the initial dates and the first dinner meeting with parents is charming.
The Chronicles of Narnia
- haven't seen this yet, but I am sure I'll like it
Brokeback Mountain
- haven't seen this yet, but I am sure I'll like it
Darkest Moments
The Fire
- The fire that almost took my parents. I have never felt so scared when I heard that there was a fire and there were people that died. When giving people news, give them the good news first!
The Hurricanes and the Aftermath
- Communication was key as many Americans found out during this Hurricane season as we witness in realtime a city incapacited in live TV and lives lost. The aftermath was the main ordeal. That is when I experienced how incredibly stubborn hardwired my father is and how frustrating it is to be on the other end worrying.
Aunt's Cancer and Passing
- Losing anyone close to you is hard. Although I believe I'll meet her again in the future lives, letting go is not easy. The earth keeps rotating stopping for no one. Time passes and we go on.
I put a picture of her and her family up today. She looked good in the picture, that's the aunt I'll remember.
World Events
In 2005, mother nature left a lot of scars and took a lot of lives.
The Hurricanes
- The hurricanes that destroyed much of the southern coastal communities reminds us humbly the force of nature and alerted the entire world the lack of preparedness US for these natural disasters.
The Avian Flu
- The impending pandemic, I've got this on my mind as I am about to embark on my journey to the east. Hope WHO and scientists around the world will produce something soon to help combat the spread.
The Earthquakes and its Aftermath
- Pakistan and India earthquake shook the entire world as the death toll keeps climbing, I can only shake my head as I wonder how many more types of natural disaster will we see this year.
Looks like time is running out.. I've got to sign up my dad for Medicare Drug Prescription before I leave the states. Always leave the important things to the last minute.. that and I need to give my cousin my will.
Now where is it.. one can never be prepared.
I'll finish wrapping up the year when I get back. I am thankful my parents and brother are relatively fine this year. So that's the most important thing.
Until next year.
So, let me start with the movies then....
Favorite movies of the year (I love movies.)
King Kong
- I am a sucker for animals and why did the have to kill him :( he just wanted to be closer to the one creature he shared the sunset with, god, where is my tissue. We want alternate ending!
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
- The darker and fast paced Harry Potter installment kept me fully entertained and on the edge of my seat even though I've read the book before. Favorite one so far, hope they keep it up!
Saving Face
- Finally, a fun lighthearted romance involving same sex couples. The interaction between mother and daughter is not as profound as the father and son in The Wedding Banquet, but fun to watch regardless. The portrayal of awarkwardness of the initial dates and the first dinner meeting with parents is charming.
The Chronicles of Narnia
- haven't seen this yet, but I am sure I'll like it
Brokeback Mountain
- haven't seen this yet, but I am sure I'll like it
Darkest Moments
The Fire
- The fire that almost took my parents. I have never felt so scared when I heard that there was a fire and there were people that died. When giving people news, give them the good news first!
The Hurricanes and the Aftermath
- Communication was key as many Americans found out during this Hurricane season as we witness in realtime a city incapacited in live TV and lives lost. The aftermath was the main ordeal. That is when I experienced how incredibly stubborn hardwired my father is and how frustrating it is to be on the other end worrying.
Aunt's Cancer and Passing
- Losing anyone close to you is hard. Although I believe I'll meet her again in the future lives, letting go is not easy. The earth keeps rotating stopping for no one. Time passes and we go on.
I put a picture of her and her family up today. She looked good in the picture, that's the aunt I'll remember.
World Events
In 2005, mother nature left a lot of scars and took a lot of lives.
The Hurricanes
- The hurricanes that destroyed much of the southern coastal communities reminds us humbly the force of nature and alerted the entire world the lack of preparedness US for these natural disasters.
The Avian Flu
- The impending pandemic, I've got this on my mind as I am about to embark on my journey to the east. Hope WHO and scientists around the world will produce something soon to help combat the spread.
The Earthquakes and its Aftermath
- Pakistan and India earthquake shook the entire world as the death toll keeps climbing, I can only shake my head as I wonder how many more types of natural disaster will we see this year.
Looks like time is running out.. I've got to sign up my dad for Medicare Drug Prescription before I leave the states. Always leave the important things to the last minute.. that and I need to give my cousin my will.
Now where is it.. one can never be prepared.
I'll finish wrapping up the year when I get back. I am thankful my parents and brother are relatively fine this year. So that's the most important thing.
Until next year.
Monday, December 12, 2005
The First Regret
I dozed off watching TV in bed.
Woken up by the vibrating sound of my cellphone, I figured it might be mom calling since she usually calls around this time. So seeing the caller id, I was bit surprised.
I picked up the phone and my brother tells me 2nd aunt passed away early morning Saturday.
I think I was at a party while she left this earth. I was in denial or it didn't sink in until I typed in a message window to a friend telling him that my aunt passed away.
I did not make my weekly call and didn't call back to grandma and to Taiwan this week. Should've talked to her again earlier, no matter how hard it is to hear her weak voice and how awakard it is to say things that we both know is probably not going to happen.
I talked to her last during Thanksgiving week. God, has it been that long since I last called? Excuses and procrastination.
This marks the first regret of my life - not aving enough conversations with my aunt.
She said she would wait for us to go back. One more week, she didn't hold on for another week. I hate this fucking year.
I guess my dad's fear came true. He said to me in the train on the ride to New York before he headed back to Flushing 2 weeks ago, he said that he's afraid my aunt won't last until my brother and I go back.
I asked her to wait for us to bring back lots of pictures to show her while we visit her in the hospital.
I know she wanted to see us before she leaves. I am sorry. I am so sorry we didn't get to say goodbye in person. I am so sorry.
At least she's not in pain anymore. The cancer was terminal and it had paralized her for months, since August, before she passed away. We lost another family relative to cancer. Now my cousins are orphans. Cancer took both of their parents away. Cancer almost took my dad as well.
At least pop is around to help take care of the funeral and what to do properly. So will the aunts be there, first 1 out of the 5.
I think what saddens me also is that I have to go through this at least 10 or 20 more times for relatives that are close to me.
It's a race against time, ever since we are conceived the countdown begins. The only thing is that we don't know when the alarm will sound.
I think my aunt had no regrets. My cousin came back at the end and I hope she was at peace when she passed. Prehaps her biggest worry was how my cousins are going to handle everything in life.
I don't know what's harder, leaving people or being left behind. On one hand you'd worry about all the loose ends that needed tying up. On the other hand you have to live on and with you the only thing you have left are your memories of them, and what could've been. But you'll have the memories. That phrase right, it's better to have loved then not have loved at all.
Why do we humans, or I guess other forms of live capable of emotions invest in something that will cause us so much inevitable pain at the end? It's the quality not the quantity that counts I suppose.
I believe that life never really ends, more of the Eastern philosphy approach to life. We are just going around in circles, being recycled. So I know I'll meet up with my aunt someday, maybe in my next life. In my next life, hope the time spent will be longer, and that I will treasure time more and not take it for granted. There might not be one more day to procrastinate, to make that call, to write to the people, to hug them and tell them how you feel.
I don't know what my cousins are going through.. after so many months of seeing your mother in pain, I wonder if they feel it was better for her to go. The parting would've been so hard. But to see able to sleep in peace I hope that gave them some sense of peace as well.
Aunt have lived a fun life I think with her kids and goddaughter and godson. I hope she was happy for the most part until the cancer hit. She went on trips and had fun. She was well loved by her family, friends, and sisters, and my grandma.
Out of the 5 sisters, my mom and my 2nd aunt are the closest. My mom, I didn't call her yet. I need to get all this out before getting on the phone with her. Having a major breakdown is not going to help her grieve. What do I say? She would have so much more memories than I to reminensce. And each scene or flashback would trigger another heartache. I can't image the pain.
Grandma, this is her first child she will help bury. 百髮送黑髮人. 2nd aunt was closest to my grandma. She's the one who took care of her the most all these years. The one who would go over and talk with her and cook her food and take her out. How is my grandma going to cope with the loss. I don't know what it'll be like to loose your own flesh and blood.
I am looking at this latest set of pictures from her. My aunt and her kids went to a photography studio to have some pictures done, where they are all dolled up. She looked great in these photos. And with these photos, that's how I would like to remember her - a fun, loving mother of 4, great mom to them all, a great friend to have, best sister to my mom, and a great aunt to me.
I'll miss you and you get some rest enjoy the time off until we meet again.
Woken up by the vibrating sound of my cellphone, I figured it might be mom calling since she usually calls around this time. So seeing the caller id, I was bit surprised.
I picked up the phone and my brother tells me 2nd aunt passed away early morning Saturday.
I think I was at a party while she left this earth. I was in denial or it didn't sink in until I typed in a message window to a friend telling him that my aunt passed away.
I did not make my weekly call and didn't call back to grandma and to Taiwan this week. Should've talked to her again earlier, no matter how hard it is to hear her weak voice and how awakard it is to say things that we both know is probably not going to happen.
I talked to her last during Thanksgiving week. God, has it been that long since I last called? Excuses and procrastination.
This marks the first regret of my life - not aving enough conversations with my aunt.
She said she would wait for us to go back. One more week, she didn't hold on for another week. I hate this fucking year.
I guess my dad's fear came true. He said to me in the train on the ride to New York before he headed back to Flushing 2 weeks ago, he said that he's afraid my aunt won't last until my brother and I go back.
I asked her to wait for us to bring back lots of pictures to show her while we visit her in the hospital.
I know she wanted to see us before she leaves. I am sorry. I am so sorry we didn't get to say goodbye in person. I am so sorry.
At least she's not in pain anymore. The cancer was terminal and it had paralized her for months, since August, before she passed away. We lost another family relative to cancer. Now my cousins are orphans. Cancer took both of their parents away. Cancer almost took my dad as well.
At least pop is around to help take care of the funeral and what to do properly. So will the aunts be there, first 1 out of the 5.
I think what saddens me also is that I have to go through this at least 10 or 20 more times for relatives that are close to me.
It's a race against time, ever since we are conceived the countdown begins. The only thing is that we don't know when the alarm will sound.
I think my aunt had no regrets. My cousin came back at the end and I hope she was at peace when she passed. Prehaps her biggest worry was how my cousins are going to handle everything in life.
I don't know what's harder, leaving people or being left behind. On one hand you'd worry about all the loose ends that needed tying up. On the other hand you have to live on and with you the only thing you have left are your memories of them, and what could've been. But you'll have the memories. That phrase right, it's better to have loved then not have loved at all.
Why do we humans, or I guess other forms of live capable of emotions invest in something that will cause us so much inevitable pain at the end? It's the quality not the quantity that counts I suppose.
I believe that life never really ends, more of the Eastern philosphy approach to life. We are just going around in circles, being recycled. So I know I'll meet up with my aunt someday, maybe in my next life. In my next life, hope the time spent will be longer, and that I will treasure time more and not take it for granted. There might not be one more day to procrastinate, to make that call, to write to the people, to hug them and tell them how you feel.
I don't know what my cousins are going through.. after so many months of seeing your mother in pain, I wonder if they feel it was better for her to go. The parting would've been so hard. But to see able to sleep in peace I hope that gave them some sense of peace as well.
Aunt have lived a fun life I think with her kids and goddaughter and godson. I hope she was happy for the most part until the cancer hit. She went on trips and had fun. She was well loved by her family, friends, and sisters, and my grandma.
Out of the 5 sisters, my mom and my 2nd aunt are the closest. My mom, I didn't call her yet. I need to get all this out before getting on the phone with her. Having a major breakdown is not going to help her grieve. What do I say? She would have so much more memories than I to reminensce. And each scene or flashback would trigger another heartache. I can't image the pain.
Grandma, this is her first child she will help bury. 百髮送黑髮人. 2nd aunt was closest to my grandma. She's the one who took care of her the most all these years. The one who would go over and talk with her and cook her food and take her out. How is my grandma going to cope with the loss. I don't know what it'll be like to loose your own flesh and blood.
I am looking at this latest set of pictures from her. My aunt and her kids went to a photography studio to have some pictures done, where they are all dolled up. She looked great in these photos. And with these photos, that's how I would like to remember her - a fun, loving mother of 4, great mom to them all, a great friend to have, best sister to my mom, and a great aunt to me.
I'll miss you and you get some rest enjoy the time off until we meet again.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Ma Jiang and My Father
Who had ever thought that a computer game is a way to bridge the gap between 4 decades?
My father is staying with me here for 2 weeks until he heads back to Taiwan. During this time, in my measly apt, there's not much to entertain him with. Anyone with asian parents might experience the same lack of conversation between parent and child. Why, I guess it's just that we haven't found a topic that both sides can maintain for more than 5 minutes.
Feeling guilty for neglecting my father while I have to work on the week days, I installed this computer Majiang game on my computer. Bingo! He's addicted. I have created a monster. It's pathetic at the same time that my dad is more awake while he's playing the game than the rest of the day when he's not clicking away.
Earlier today, took him to Best Buy to search for a digi cam. After 1 hour of looking at the various models there he was saying he's tired and his neck is sore. So we head back and after a brief lunch from Papa John's he's on the computer playing along with the electronic political player figures.
He's on there for the next 3 hours.
Tired my butt!! I think he has selective fatique factor.
So, but at least we made progress. Found that he needs an LCD screen bigger than 1.8, and that his big thumb won't cover any unneeded controls during normal operation.
At the end of the 2 hours my throat was tired as well. I am not used to using my voicebox for that long of a duration.
So now my dad is pretty happy and keeping himself might amused by playing the game.
Good. Glad he has some stuff to do when I need to work or when I don't have other ways to engage him in some conversations.
My father is staying with me here for 2 weeks until he heads back to Taiwan. During this time, in my measly apt, there's not much to entertain him with. Anyone with asian parents might experience the same lack of conversation between parent and child. Why, I guess it's just that we haven't found a topic that both sides can maintain for more than 5 minutes.
Feeling guilty for neglecting my father while I have to work on the week days, I installed this computer Majiang game on my computer. Bingo! He's addicted. I have created a monster. It's pathetic at the same time that my dad is more awake while he's playing the game than the rest of the day when he's not clicking away.
Earlier today, took him to Best Buy to search for a digi cam. After 1 hour of looking at the various models there he was saying he's tired and his neck is sore. So we head back and after a brief lunch from Papa John's he's on the computer playing along with the electronic political player figures.
He's on there for the next 3 hours.
Tired my butt!! I think he has selective fatique factor.
So, but at least we made progress. Found that he needs an LCD screen bigger than 1.8, and that his big thumb won't cover any unneeded controls during normal operation.
At the end of the 2 hours my throat was tired as well. I am not used to using my voicebox for that long of a duration.
So now my dad is pretty happy and keeping himself might amused by playing the game.
Good. Glad he has some stuff to do when I need to work or when I don't have other ways to engage him in some conversations.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Riots, Terrorists, and Pirates
Seems surreal when I open up the news page this morning. It's like a page ripped out of an testosterone filled movie script.
What the hell is happening.. we got people torching across hundreds of towns in France, terrorists planning to launch massive attack in Australia, and then pirates! Pirates! Attacking cruise ships on outskirts of Africa.
Pirates belong in the movies not in real life. Okay yah I might be naive, one can dream of an utopia right?
Mother nature doesn't need to help, I think men are well on their way to curbing the human population.
I better live to 67 at least or else I'll be royally pissed when I can't touch the savings reserved for retirement. Been wondering about that a lot recently, should I really save for 40 years down the road? Will I even be around?
What the hell is happening.. we got people torching across hundreds of towns in France, terrorists planning to launch massive attack in Australia, and then pirates! Pirates! Attacking cruise ships on outskirts of Africa.
Pirates belong in the movies not in real life. Okay yah I might be naive, one can dream of an utopia right?
Mother nature doesn't need to help, I think men are well on their way to curbing the human population.
I better live to 67 at least or else I'll be royally pissed when I can't touch the savings reserved for retirement. Been wondering about that a lot recently, should I really save for 40 years down the road? Will I even be around?
Monday, November 07, 2005
Meaningful Conversations
I made a resolution, or I should say a promise to myself, after coming back from a long overdue visit to Taiwan 2 years ago. It was an eye opener to go back and visit my roots. A lot of things have changed. Tall buildings erected, old railroad tracks now paved and converted into 3 lane highways. Some things are oblivious to time's hand. The packed temples and the religious followers. The night market is still bustling with people and motorists and stray dogs.
The biggest impact was made when I visited my grandma. There she was in her 80s, living in 3 story house, alone.
I've always been in touch with my sensitive side and the trip back home upped it a notch. It gave my tear ducts quite a workout. My grandma was the one who looked after me in my early years. I spent a good deal of time at the grounds. A lot of precious memories were made there. From the pig slaughter for annual festivals (okay this one not that pleasant), to singing with all the dogs in the courtyard at dawn, chased by ferocious ducks during feeding time, marveling after the locust bugs when they shed their skin, plucking chicken in the backyard, and firing up clay mounds in the fields to cook yams. All these images and memory attack me as I stepped out of my aunt's car and took my first step into the yard. Out comes my grandma, she's been expecting us. Eighteen years is a long time. Sure, she made couple visits to the states during those years but this is the first time we've been home.
She shrunk. Her hair is a bit whiter, and her face more wrinkly. As my brother and I spent a precious week with her, I get to see first hand how lonely she is even with one of her five sons living right next door.
Due to old age, the joints are starting to go so she has trouble lifting her arms above her shoulder. She's gone weeks without washing her hair because her arms are not able to reach her hair. I found her awake at wee hours in the nights, sitting in the living room using the electric massager on her shoulders in hopes of alleviating some of the pain so she can get back to sleep.
She wakes up by 5 AM in time to watch her grandkids get on the school bus, then she sits in the living room waiting for the time to pass. That's her normal daily routine she said.
I broke down several times during my visit with her. I try not to cry in front her. She doesn't need a sobbing grandchild to remind her of state.
I feel anger toward my uncles who are suppose to take her. She had 5 sons. None of them checks up on her on regular basis or took her into their homes. Instead they left their mother, alone, in a 3 story house which has stairs she can barely climb.
I am sadden by the thoughts of all the elders who are alone.
That's when I made myself promise that I would be a better grandchild, I would make a call to my grandma at least once a week to talk to her.
I've kept my promise, pushing it at times.. but I call every week to chat. There's a language barrier, but I think I have improved a lot in my grandma's native tongue. At least listening wise. Most of the time I open with the questions: Have you eaten? How are your legs and arms? If the weather is too cold or not? Then I try to bring up some of the topics that she might have seen in the news or even confide to her my frivolous troubles about job dissatisfaction, lack of bonus, and weight gain. I am thankful her mind is still sharp as ever as she tells me I can't eat and just sit there that way I'll get fat. Or that I can't quit my job yet cuz I am so young. I laugh when she says if the company is not paying me overtime then don't work that much.
Those 30 - 60 minutes are the most meaningful conversations I have every week.
The biggest impact was made when I visited my grandma. There she was in her 80s, living in 3 story house, alone.
I've always been in touch with my sensitive side and the trip back home upped it a notch. It gave my tear ducts quite a workout. My grandma was the one who looked after me in my early years. I spent a good deal of time at the grounds. A lot of precious memories were made there. From the pig slaughter for annual festivals (okay this one not that pleasant), to singing with all the dogs in the courtyard at dawn, chased by ferocious ducks during feeding time, marveling after the locust bugs when they shed their skin, plucking chicken in the backyard, and firing up clay mounds in the fields to cook yams. All these images and memory attack me as I stepped out of my aunt's car and took my first step into the yard. Out comes my grandma, she's been expecting us. Eighteen years is a long time. Sure, she made couple visits to the states during those years but this is the first time we've been home.
She shrunk. Her hair is a bit whiter, and her face more wrinkly. As my brother and I spent a precious week with her, I get to see first hand how lonely she is even with one of her five sons living right next door.
Due to old age, the joints are starting to go so she has trouble lifting her arms above her shoulder. She's gone weeks without washing her hair because her arms are not able to reach her hair. I found her awake at wee hours in the nights, sitting in the living room using the electric massager on her shoulders in hopes of alleviating some of the pain so she can get back to sleep.
She wakes up by 5 AM in time to watch her grandkids get on the school bus, then she sits in the living room waiting for the time to pass. That's her normal daily routine she said.
I broke down several times during my visit with her. I try not to cry in front her. She doesn't need a sobbing grandchild to remind her of state.
I feel anger toward my uncles who are suppose to take her. She had 5 sons. None of them checks up on her on regular basis or took her into their homes. Instead they left their mother, alone, in a 3 story house which has stairs she can barely climb.
I am sadden by the thoughts of all the elders who are alone.
That's when I made myself promise that I would be a better grandchild, I would make a call to my grandma at least once a week to talk to her.
I've kept my promise, pushing it at times.. but I call every week to chat. There's a language barrier, but I think I have improved a lot in my grandma's native tongue. At least listening wise. Most of the time I open with the questions: Have you eaten? How are your legs and arms? If the weather is too cold or not? Then I try to bring up some of the topics that she might have seen in the news or even confide to her my frivolous troubles about job dissatisfaction, lack of bonus, and weight gain. I am thankful her mind is still sharp as ever as she tells me I can't eat and just sit there that way I'll get fat. Or that I can't quit my job yet cuz I am so young. I laugh when she says if the company is not paying me overtime then don't work that much.
Those 30 - 60 minutes are the most meaningful conversations I have every week.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Once You Pop You Can't Stop
Dam Pringles and whoever makes them.. I just inhaled 3/4 of the can. God I am going to be so zit faced tomorrow. I did not inherit my mom's genes when it comes to facial complexion. Unlike my mom and my brother, I am very sensitive to fried items, or any snacks that taste good for that matter. One would think a person approaching 30 will stop breaking out.. but no, not I.
I can't help it! Shoprite was having a sale on these things, 3 for $3. That's how they get you.. hit you where you are weak.. cheapos like me who usually don't buy snacks looks at the tag and try to justify buying 3 cans at a time. Dam marketing!
I have to say it was quite good.. my taste buds thank me at least. I'll be in front of the mirror tomorrow night popping out zits. Yes they grow that fast! Nasty little buggers. Oh well.. once in a while is not bad right? right.
I can't help it! Shoprite was having a sale on these things, 3 for $3. That's how they get you.. hit you where you are weak.. cheapos like me who usually don't buy snacks looks at the tag and try to justify buying 3 cans at a time. Dam marketing!
I have to say it was quite good.. my taste buds thank me at least. I'll be in front of the mirror tomorrow night popping out zits. Yes they grow that fast! Nasty little buggers. Oh well.. once in a while is not bad right? right.
Saturday, November 05, 2005
You Are What You Eat
Wonder who said that line first? "You are what you eat." Did it evolve from mothers who used scare tactics on their children? Or something else?
Wonder if I can Google it? Good grief I am so bloated. Which brings me back to my point.. so I had a craving for red bean soup.. hmm hmm hmm.. last night I made half a pot of red bean soup and pretty much took the entire day today for me to finish it. It was breakfast, brunch, lunch, snack and dessert before dinner. Then for dinner went out to have Indian and stuffed myself.
Gluttony, Oh woe me, I have committed one of the 7 deadly sins and as punishment, gas form of my dinner and the digested beans are making their way out.. from the top. I guess that's better than farting for others at least. I mean come on, what's the difference between burping and farting?
So here I am 4 hours after dinner and still bloated. I gotta get me some of those anti gas stuff.. or prehaps set 2 bowls of red beans at max for a day.
Bless the internet! From The Phrase Finder :
Wonder if I can Google it? Good grief I am so bloated. Which brings me back to my point.. so I had a craving for red bean soup.. hmm hmm hmm.. last night I made half a pot of red bean soup and pretty much took the entire day today for me to finish it. It was breakfast, brunch, lunch, snack and dessert before dinner. Then for dinner went out to have Indian and stuffed myself.
Gluttony, Oh woe me, I have committed one of the 7 deadly sins and as punishment, gas form of my dinner and the digested beans are making their way out.. from the top. I guess that's better than farting for others at least. I mean come on, what's the difference between burping and farting?
So here I am 4 hours after dinner and still bloated. I gotta get me some of those anti gas stuff.. or prehaps set 2 bowls of red beans at max for a day.
Bless the internet! From The Phrase Finder :
Origin
Originated in the hippy era in the USA. The food of choice of the champions of this notion was macrobiotic wholefood.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Typical Day of Working From Home
You ever wonder what really goes on during conference calls? For thos of you who do not have the luxury/punishment of working from home, let me give you sneak peak. Following depicts conference calls and sametime messages in a typical workday for me.
Legend:
st - sametime
cc - conference call
[8:30 - 9 AM - roll out of bed]
Take 3 steps to the desk, turn on the laptop
Do my morning routine
Log on via VPN, turn on sametime
[9:15 AM - getting ready for market open]
- turn on personal pc
- get the streaming quotes going
- read up on stock news
- watch cnnfn
[9:30 AM - opening bell]
- ping pong eye action between streamer and sametime
- nice green tickers nice..
- bad red tickers bad!!
[9:45 AM - in front of desk]
With the toothbrush still in one hand and mouth foaming I finish reading e-mails and did some work.
[10 AM - Ellen is on]
- finally rinse my mouth
st - manager - let's get on a call to catch up on status
st - moi - sure
cc - blah blabh blah
[10:30AM - 1 PM]
work work work
[1 PM - 2PM]
eat and work eat and work, it's amazing how long i can nurse a bowl of food
[3:30 PM - 4PM - watch ticker]
- always fun to watch the stock action toward end of the trading day
[4 - 7PM]
- work work work
This of course is one of the slower days.. that I get to do this much stock watching, sometimes it's just all work and no play for 14 hours.. which makes it a very frustrating day.
Legend:
st - sametime
cc - conference call
[8:30 - 9 AM - roll out of bed]
Take 3 steps to the desk, turn on the laptop
Do my morning routine
Log on via VPN, turn on sametime
[9:15 AM - getting ready for market open]
- turn on personal pc
- get the streaming quotes going
- read up on stock news
- watch cnnfn
[9:30 AM - opening bell]
- ping pong eye action between streamer and sametime
- nice green tickers nice..
- bad red tickers bad!!
[9:45 AM - in front of desk]
With the toothbrush still in one hand and mouth foaming I finish reading e-mails and did some work.
[10 AM - Ellen is on]
- finally rinse my mouth
st - manager - let's get on a call to catch up on status
st - moi - sure
cc - blah blabh blah
[10:30AM - 1 PM]
work work work
[1 PM - 2PM]
eat and work eat and work, it's amazing how long i can nurse a bowl of food
[3:30 PM - 4PM - watch ticker]
- always fun to watch the stock action toward end of the trading day
[4 - 7PM]
- work work work
This of course is one of the slower days.. that I get to do this much stock watching, sometimes it's just all work and no play for 14 hours.. which makes it a very frustrating day.
Friday, October 28, 2005
At It Again
There's something inherently wrong with this picture.
A healthy 20 year (okay fine approaching 30 year old) is lifting dumbbells around midnight to workout muscles wasting away after 14 hour work day while the 50 year olds neighbors next door are getting their cardio exercise in a much different format from what I can hear.
Just not right.
Why not?
1 - apt walls are just way to thin, I truly do not need those kind of vocals at midnight
2 - it's midnight! Shouldn't they be sleeping right now?
3 - my God, when is it going to end! It's been 4 times.. wait make that 5 times already
4 - amazed at their stamina, wondering if they are taking anything
By no means I have no qualms with older people getting it on.. just .. just.. ..
So on goes the iPod... wonderful little invention, keeps unnecessary images away..
I need to get out.
Well a co-worker sent out a goodbye note tonight. He's leaving the company after 8 long years. In his note, he mentioned the long hours and the long travel hours put in all these years. Well good for him! Glad someone got out. Just hope I am next.
Time to feed Monster.
A healthy 20 year (okay fine approaching 30 year old) is lifting dumbbells around midnight to workout muscles wasting away after 14 hour work day while the 50 year olds neighbors next door are getting their cardio exercise in a much different format from what I can hear.
Just not right.
Why not?
1 - apt walls are just way to thin, I truly do not need those kind of vocals at midnight
2 - it's midnight! Shouldn't they be sleeping right now?
3 - my God, when is it going to end! It's been 4 times.. wait make that 5 times already
4 - amazed at their stamina, wondering if they are taking anything
By no means I have no qualms with older people getting it on.. just .. just.. ..
So on goes the iPod... wonderful little invention, keeps unnecessary images away..
I need to get out.
Well a co-worker sent out a goodbye note tonight. He's leaving the company after 8 long years. In his note, he mentioned the long hours and the long travel hours put in all these years. Well good for him! Glad someone got out. Just hope I am next.
Time to feed Monster.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)